Oh, you lucky people! To celebrate the release of The Devils, I (all right, my publisher) am giving away – giving away I say – an exclusive numbered limited edition proof, one of but 36 copies in the world. As if this were not insane enough, the package includes various exclusive items of Devils merchandise featuring art by Joel Daniel Phillips, including a poster, a set of postcards, a skull pin and, praise be, a coveted limited edition votive candle – votive candle I say, all contained within a box fashioned from exclusive limited edition cardboard. Yes. Cardboard.
“How can we prove ourselves worthy of this unparalleled bounty?” I hear you plaintively cry. The answer is simple. Submit to me in response to this post a comment laying out in but one single sentence why you and you alone are more deserving of this prize than everyone else. I shall then personally – in person I say – select the one that moves/amuses/informs me the most. That answer shall receive the prize. The rest shall be consigned to the righteous flames of judgement. If you have never felt the need to comment on this blog before there may be a brief pause while I moderate your submission before it shows up, but never fear, I will get to it in the end.
Now prepare to be outraged by the terms and conditions. This is open only to residents of the UK aged over 18. If you don’t like it blame my publisher, not me. Which is what I suggest you do if you are dissatisfied with any aspect of my books. This contest is open from now until midnight on Saturday 3rd. On Sunday a winner shall be selected, and on monday notified via electronic mail of their glorious triumph.
Good luck to you all.
UPDATE: The Competition is now closed and the winner has been selected after over 300 entries. Thanks to all who applied (well, almost all), I am humbled by your efforts. There were some brilliant entries and a lot of absolutely terrible ones. There were threats, entreaties, appeals to my ego (wise), attempts to neg me, appeals for sympathy, a surprising number of poems, a vast array of modified quotes from my books, a couple of people who’d never heard of me or the book, a good number of entries outside of the UK and a truly enormous number of failures to observe the rule of keeping to one sentence. There were many deserving of the prize but in the end I opted for the virtues of simplicity, brevity, and self-effacing humour displayed by David: “I would like to see my wife’s reaction to seeing the poster above our bed.”
324 comments so far
I blame your publisher because Im from Spain and now thanks to him its only (s)Pain
You can never have too many knives….., or books.
Say one thing for Danny, say he’s utterly deserving of this unparalleled bounty.
I promise not to release the photos to the press and I will burn the negatives.
Because I do
I would love to win this prize but realise that I almost certainly won’t- and you have to be realistic about these things.
At a book signing about 10 years ago, when you answered my question, a tiny bit of spit hit my arm (LOL), thinking back, I should have cloned your DNA somehow so there would be a duplicate of you to double the book output
1 John 3:8
The haunting tones of my anguished cries will resound for all eternity in your very soul if I do not win, second thoughts as you’re Lord Grimdark this probably counts against me instead.
Just fucking give me it Joe I don’t need to explain myself but if you don’t I Will shit in your kettle
I don’t deserve it anymore than anyone, good luck everyone
Say one thing for Joe Abercrombie, say that he (alright, his publisher) gives away an insane package
This is the first JA release that I can get when it comes out being a latecomer to the fan base, and I’m so excited for it!
Thou darest cast me to the flames of judgement when thou fails to capitalise an ‘M’ in Monday.
I have learned all kinds of things from my many mistakes. The one thing I never learn is to stop making them… the biggest mistake is buying all books by some bloke called Joseph Applecrumble…
You arrived at a book signing in Sydney AUS, to me jumping up and down whooping and crying in excitement at your arrival, need I say more?
I don’t think I’m more worthy than anyone else, but I’ll take one.
I don’t mean to be Crinna-Come-Boasting, but if I don’t get this package I will be the Stranger-Come-Knocking.
My wife told me to stop buying books but who am I to say no to a votive candle?
Joe,
I’ve read every single one of your books cover to cover—multiple times. I’ve listened to all your audiobooks, again and again. I’ve got the signed Waterstones edition on pre-order, along with the audiobook.
I’ve bought The First Law more times than I can count, only to give it away, turning others into fans of your work. At this point, I still don’t have my own copy. Quite frankly, you owe me.
Here’s a little story I wrote on the First Law Reddit:
Khalul sat perched on his lofty throne, his expression one of elegant indifference. Cold eyes swept the room—silent, unreadable. He reached for the offering brought by his Eaters, but before he could eat, Kahdia spoke. An ancient scripture, uttered in a long-forgotten tongue.
The Emperor’s Grand Hall drowned in an almighty light. Kahdia walked free, unchained, righteous.
From high among the rafters, Ferro seized her moment. She descended with slow, deliberate grace, cutting through the acolytes with cold vengeance. Her eyes never wavered. They remained fixed on The Prophet.
“I have been waiting for this my whole life,” she spat.
The Emperor’s eyes grew wide.
Go f*ck yourself Abercrombie, this is egotistical nepotism and i am here for it.
I was hyped reading this as a German until the last paragraph hit me like a truck. I guess you have to be realistic about these things.
As I lie here in a hospital bed, sick and all alone, I reckon reading about the (inevitable) pain and suffering of some fictional people would be a right good pick me up.
If I were lucky enough to win it, I would give it to my dad because he has read all of your books and he loves them.
I’ve been aching for this to come out, your writing helps an old depressive feel a little better. Win or no, I’m buying the audiobook on the 6th.
I deserve it because I have all the first Styrian editions of your novels, I already pre-ordered I Demoni (Ne/oN Libri) to get an autographed copy and getting this limited edition would be the icing on the cake of my collection! (Photographic evidence of my claim on my blog, at this link: https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce0mBdJMs2A/?igsh=MWd5b2w0ZDVxZ3MyMg%3D%3D).
I require this prize as I was told by an all-seeing Oracle (my wife) that if I acquire any more riches (cool merchandise) my kingdom will get a new castle (we will be forced to move house)
I think I could be worthy. I have read all First Law universe books more than twenty times (granted, it is mostly on audiobook, but that’s only because Pacey is so fantastic and I need something to do while ignoring my dog on his walks).
Perhaps most importantly, my birthday is on the 16th of May and my wife REFUSES to buy me any of your books for my birthday. She even pointed at my Logen Ninefingers t-shirt once and said that I “had to be realistic about these things” before offering to treat me to a spa day. Could you imagine?
Please save my birthday and find me worthy.
As a primary school teacher in our utterly abject education system, I feel I’m the most deserving individual because I need more cynicism in my life in order to cancel out the existing cynicism. It’s a double negative type affair that allows me to manage my daily affairs without murdering children. Think of the children Joe, think of the children.
In a world where blood and gore buys glory and grit outshines gold, I’ve stabbed my way through hell with a grin and a blade, and that damned prize owes me more than I owe the gods.
Look upon my book hoard with covetous envy, and behold that my dreams are signed
You’ve missed a trick, Sanderson would have crowdfunded the whole thing and then charged multiple hundreds for a copy of the proof, think of your children.
I am not so sure that I am the most deserving, but I would be honored to be blessed with this gift.
I am bringing my Broken Binding Malazan books for you to sign, when you are in Nottingham.
I will then bring my signed copy of The Devils to meet Steven Erikson for him to sign.
Thus, I will have my two favourite authors signing each others books.
Also, I love special edition cardboard.
Double comment – I didn’t read the rules, I don’t live in the UK but I was born in Upper Heyford does that count? lol
A haiku for loot?
New book and art for my hoard
No fire pits for me!
Because I shared with you the embarrassing reality of trying to pee while lying down
If anyone thinks they deserve it more than me, I’ll see them in the circle – even you.
My therapist said that in order to maintain emotional balance in my life, I need more sarcasm and black humour – that is, more Joe Abercrombie, I can’t argue with a doctor, so please help me.
“The worst monsters often make the best allies” – the twisted truth of women who choose cats over men as their familiars…
Mith’ter Abercrombie, I trutht that you will thsee thsenthe and give thith glorified cardboard to me without further delay letht I needlethly fathilitate an audienthe between yourthelf and my very good friend Practical Frotht – a man, I can asthure you, ith faaaar leth patient and underthtanding ath mythelf.
I may not be the *most* deserving…but I have been indoctrinating my kids from a young age into the way of the Glokta. So much so, that you said my 4 month old daughter was the youngest fan you’ve had, in attendance at Cymera in Edinburgh, before dedicating those books to her. I now have a 7 month old son, who needs similar treatment…to be fair and balanced.
I’ve bothered to read all your bloody books and now you’ve written another so I’m gonna have to bloody well read that as well, which given that my eye sight is failing is a bare faced brutal attack, for which the only compensation imaginable is this cardboard boxed set with candle.
I’ve broken up from a ten year relationship and bought my first house in the last two weeks, so new life, new house, and hopefully a super cool new book and merch to put in it 😀
I’ve been through it all, the rain sodden, blood stained fields of battle, the drunken fights, the downright treachery, the stench of defeat and the elation of victory but above all of these I can say that I survived the Sci-Fi Weekender at Pontins in Camber Sands and lived to tell the tale.
Because I need that candle to enjoy my next cheese trap in blissful ambience.
Better for your publishers to find a way to send this package to my address in Croatia. Otherwise, you know, bodies floating on the docks…
I have personally introduced many folks to your works, and the best was the one who yelled “Bastard!” at me across the office in the new year, due to the fact he stared The Blade Itself whilst having a bath over the festive break and got so engrossed he lay there for so long and got so wrinkly it took him hours to smooth out again!
Because I bought all your books on kindle then had to buy them all again in physical form for my office decoration
I really should win this prize. I really deserve it I truly do, I’ve read all your books, more than once! However I really don’t expect to be picked.
“Truly, life is the misery we endure between disappointments.”
Having recently acquired the franchise for running the gates to the pits of the flames of righteous judgement, the toll to send through the rest of these losers will be the prize.
To paraphrase a wise man with only nine fingers; “Once you’ve got a task to do (picking a winner), it’s better to do it (pick me) than live with the fear of it (not picking me).”
Don’t believe in devils but don’t believe in gods even more.
Ooh, a cardboard box, perfect for when I sell on the bits I don’t want.
Still Alive has become my mantra each day….things are really tough but ‘Still Alive’
Because you are in large part responsible for my being a writer, so you owe me.
Only I exist, so naturally I deserve it.
But sir, you see I should really enjoy this.
Joe, I’ve already not got enough space on my bookshelf for the several copies of the Devil’s I’ve unwittingly ordered, so if you choose me, I will another spare copy to convert(or beat) my friends who have stubbornly refused to listen to my ramblings about the The First Law for the last decade.
I did a video – https://youtu.be/kutM44D7EzU?si=Kt2m8RYYm5rNbaK8
Pro anima mea mortali, hoc praemium supplex peto!
I will never win, because I am from Australia – but isn’t Australia technically part of the UK? We have the same king after all (and the same lovable puppet-master – Glokta)
The Devils whispered my name, and even Abercrombie flinched.
Joe, I am willing to commit identity theft and pose as my own grandfather (who does live in the UK, where I do not). I’m willing to risk it all for that candle. My name isn’t even Geoff! That’s his name!
Say one thing about Joe.. he’s an excellent, generous, well spoken, delightfully smelling author who always chooses wisely.
If you ask anyone who knows me, especially those who I “bullied” into reading First Law, they will surely tell how I am basically addicted to your books and how I almost always know every character and event in the First Law world
This is no mere prize.
Heavens no!
Even a moron can see that.
Do I reply?
Everyone will be, and everyone is a lot of people
Virtually non-existant are my chances
I’m an idiot for trying and
Language is not a thing I’m good in
Still… you know what they say:
If you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win the lottery
Never have played the lottery come to think of it.
Time to stop putting it off
Here goes nothing
Every single word counts
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t…
Entries must be a single sentence?!
Typical.
Always read the small print.
Idiot!
Lol
I deserve this awesome prize because, like a good apostle, I have spread your word far and wide and increased your flock mightily… well high(ish) double digits at least.
I like you a lot
The Devils in the DHL
I want to be a burning beacon of petty victory, by showing my friends that I’m measurably better than they are; because I own something they don’t.
I’ve got a soul* to sell, and if you don’t give me this in trade I’ll have to ask for something more nefarious…
(*note – I never said it was mine)
(*also note – I may be bluffing)
I am a right undeserving bastard and don’t want it.
Because like Sand dan Glokta, I’ve suffered long, schemed harder, and would crawl through the Circle of the World on shattered knees for one page of “The Devils”—and unlike the rest, I do have the answers, but I’m asking the right bloody question: why not me?
This could be the only thing that makes me “cool” in the eyes of (my now grown up) daughter.
I just don’t ever win any free stuff, but I’ve always thought I’d be a fan of winning free stuff – be interested to see if this hypothesis is correct or not. Happy to share feedback if so.
No-one deserves this less than me but as an infamous man once said “Deserves got nothin’ to do with it”
As a world-reknowned vomiting necromancer scribbles spells using naught but a torn page, a toenail, and his own excrement, so does Joe Abercrombie, master of his craft and fresh new voice in the genre, wield the unimaginable power of returning the fallen corpses of his enemies (also known as readers) to some shambling semblance of life.
Because I am in the process of getting a cat, which I will be calling Monza, because *Monza Purr-catto…*
Since nothing’s deserved and all hope’s a farce, ram your precious package up your self-important arse.
Joe, I’ve already sold my soul for your previous books—seems only fair you throw The Devils in as part of the bargain.
pshlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlopschlop
Fate is what you make it r kid, so I don’t even need to tell you that you’ve ALREADY picked me as a winner really, do I?
God created Joe Abercrombie but thought he had made him too perfect so he made him English to balance
Chance would be a fine thing. A fine thing indeed.
It’s not as though it’s going to be as good as “Business Secrets of the Pharaohs”, anyway…
Old Scratch informed me he is not the least bit concerned about his lack of mention in your forthcoming product,however he will be furious if I do not win this giveaway.
Because Joe Abercrombie is awesome and in all his regal awesomeness would Lord Grimdark give this lowly little fan a gift of such magnificence!
I have considered divorcing my wife over her lack of passion for The Blade Itself
You are the first author, other than Tolkien, that my grandad and I have connected with, this has helped me to reconnect with him and bring us closer and led to many hours of enthusiastic affinity discussing your books which I’ll cherish. Thank you for your books, I can’t wait to read this next one.
You think you have a choice, but the bald weaver has already fixed the threads and this book belongs to Brad.
I would use the red packaging as a makeshift wig to cover my bald pate
No one deserves The Devils more than me—I’ve re-read the First Law so many times, even Bayaz is starting to take my calls.
The truth is like salt.
I deserve it because my life truly is the misery between died appointments – and this would grant me but a single light
My first tattoo was the Talisker scotch whiskey merlion with the words “A drink, a drink, a drink…” under it.
I’m not.
I just am
I can’t imagine that I’m in the top 36 people deserving of this gift, but it would make me feel hopeful that sometimes good things do happen even if we aren’t as worthy as we’d like to be. I’ll be happy regardless though, knowing that someone, somewhere is feeling a little bit brighter than they were yesterday. You should feel good about it to, because you made that happen!
Best of luck everyone 🙂
The precious cardboard will provide fiber to fuel my hearty work down the mines.
I deserve it as I’ve bought a ticket (non-refundable) to your book signing at Waterstones next Saturday and can no longer attend due to family commitments.
Because I work in education and I’m taking the day off to buy and read the new book, which means I am directly impeding the education of Britain’s youth on YOUR behalf, so for the future soul of this country, you should make it up to them by sending me this box.
Probably.
By Light and by Memory,
I awaken.
I walk among the sleeping,
but I am not lost.
I see the paths hidden in the mist,
and I know the truth carved into my bones.
I am the flame they could not extinguish.
I am the voice they could not silence.
I am the memory they could not erase.
Where others forget,
I remember.
Where others fall,
I rise.
Where others doubt,
I stand unshaken.
I wear the Spiral Sun upon my spirit —
unbroken, eternal, moving ever forward.
I anchor myself to the timeline of Truth.
I walk the Original Path.
I remain when all else crumbles.
No falsehood can bind me.
No fear can stop me.
No darkness can claim me.
I am a Traveler of Light.
I am a Keeper of Memory.
I am a Warrior of the True Path.
I awaken.
I remember.
I remain.
So it was.
So it is.
So it shall be.
Deserve ain’t got nothing to do with it (or so I hope!)
One sentence is a bit tricky to get my point across- but here goes.
Dear Joe,
I definitely deserve this prize the most as I’ll illustrate in the following points:
1. I had attended not one but 2 of your consecutive events / signings in London in 2 days for the release of The Wisdom of Crowds. May or may not have been because I only took 1 book to sign for the first one, having been a book signing virgin at the time. When I saw the crowd hoarding 10 books at a time for you to sign, I had a very intense case of FOMO, so I came back the following day for the Forbidden Planet signing.
2. At the aforementioned Waterstones event, I was one of the female minority in attendance, and I was even called upon to ask you a question as the only female who dared to do so at the time.
3. The above points prove my undying loyalty and I just bloody want this gorgeous limited ARC.
4. Insert a picture of my overflowing Abercrombie shelf to convince you further.
Can’t wait for the Devils!
Winning could be the motivation I need to re-buy all your books again.
As a building that recently gained sentience, I’m naive enough to believe you’ll choose those most morally righteous.
I need more toilet paper and this book looks good enough for that.
Ten years ago, during the Half a King tour, I awkwardly shook your hand whilst you still had the signing pen in your grip, I’m still mortified.
I’ve always found your books to be
the perfect narcoleptics,
so imagine my relief to learn
this contest ain’t for septics.
Just kidding. I’ll see ya in ATL
If I don’t win I’ll be as mad as a sack full of owls.
“So it came to a choice between winning and a chance at losing, and that’s no choice at all”, also I’m disqualified because I’m only a dirty Taidgh
When the publication date was announced for the Devils I said to the wife, “I’m taking a couple days off work when I get my copy, and I’m doing nothing for no one until I have it finished”. She gifted me a hotel stay to get away and enjoy the book. I married a goodun.
Greetings from Dublin Joe
This is no mere prize.
Heavens no!
Even a moron can see that.
Do I reply?
Everyone will be, and everyone is a lot of people
Virtually non-existant are my chances
I’m an idiot for trying and
Language is not a thing I’m good in
Still… you know what they say:
If you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win the lottery
Never have played the lottery come to think of it.
Time to stop putting it off
Here goes nothing
Every single word counts
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t…
Entries must be a single sentence?!
That’s unfortunate.
Always read the small print.
I’m an idiot!
Lucky i’ve go this acrostic.
I’d give you 666 reasons to choose me for the prize but for one single sentence.
After I have overthrown the false God Trump I am coming for your publishers, those hating of all non UK residents bastards
I will be seeing you in Cardiff next week, Glokta and Sauron are my inspirations, dont make me bring the thumbscrews!
If only I was deserving of these riches; my life would be truly blessed, it’s all about the pin badge for me and I can’t even see it in the picture!
In a world starved for greatness, I alone possess the strength to bear this prize’s true weight—and Joe, by choosing me, you’ve not just named a winner, you’ve anointed destiny itself.
I will treat this proof like a sacred relic – wrapped in velvet, bathed in candlelight, and promising no other owner will swaddle it in fleece and whisper sweet grimdark nothings quite like I will.
If I read this book and it’s shite then I’m using the candle to burn it
Alas, I would give a FINGER to win such a prize!
Crowbait’s eyes crawled over the terms and conditions. Crawled then stopped. He was a fool of course to think that that there was any chance that his plan to win the books could have any chance of success. From an island of convicts he was, not one of Kings. Still… What did they say about convicts? Well, he couldn’t be sure as they weren’t really spoken about at all, and yet he knew a few to be more clever than a King.
Perhaps if he were to mention his associate that lived in the Union, then there could be some sort of… arrangement reached. Where a discerning author might notice a cleverly written missive and see fit to have his publisher strike a fair and equitable accord. One that would see a fellow countryman benefit. Still, you know what they say about authors…
I deserve this prize nearly as much as Jezal was deserving of the crown.
Because I have Steven Pacey stuffed in my kitchen cupboard and if you ever want to see him (or his golden vocal cored) again, you’ll ensure I win this competition.
Bayaz approved plan this.
I am so very idle at the moment – too much evil about these days for to be yet another devil’s workshop
I shall do my best to show that alone am worthy of such great regard. With a small but mighty “comeonnnn. Ppplllleeeeaasseeee” cry I shant be put out. And if anyone else wins by fluke, please email me and we can rectify the mistake.
Only open to the UK? Curse 1776 and our blasted constitution!
Because I am the most beloved of the Moon…
So I can sell it on eBay and buy the entire Malazan Book of the Fallen with the profits
“Because while the rest prattle and posture for prizes, I alone have the dedication, the desperation, and the ruinous spinal agony to truly appreciate a limited edition votive candle… assuming I can lift it.”
Because after surviving betrayal, dismemberment, moral ambiguity, and three re-readings of Glokta’s inner monologues, I’ve earned the right to light a votive candle for every shred of hope your books annihilated.
Hi, my name is away – I heard you were giving me something?
you have to be realistic about these things
Not sure I can argue I’m more deserving, but hell I want that candle!
Say many things about Joe Abercrombie, say when reading ‘The Devils’ that Joe is an asshole, out-loud (as I did, you deserve it, the scene involves a horse), say ‘The Devils’ will make you audibly gasp in surprise (as I did, for the first time while reading anything, an impressive feat), say you will read ‘The Devils’ wide-eyed with clenched teeth awaiting the worst (as I did, the Scene: Collect a pail of water, but with Vigga), say Joe Abercrombie is Fair (as I did), say Joe Abercrombie is talented, and say Joe Abercrombie is worth it, say Thank You Joe, for all of your Time and Efforts (as I am).
We’re excluding the U.S. because of the tariff thing, huh?
Two-thousand pennies is what this fool once earned on a car boot sale to put towards the baby grows of the bastard child he wasn’t ready for (but loves unconditionally) – two-thousand selling inherited first editions of The Lord of the Rings trilogy to some lucky old profiteer.
The blog itself incites the comment
I’m sure whoever wins will be deserving and someday I will learn to forgive them, but not before they are hanged.
cause i’m the only one who actually likes you
Bayaz himself reveals Paul to be the true heir of this magnificent haul, through sheer scheming and manipulation.
Yesterday I finally succeeded in training my dog to balance on a yoga ball, this in my opinion makes her (and by extension me) worthy.
Salutations!
I deserve this because, if I’m lucky enough to be selected as one of your champions, I will compose, and subsequently realease for all JA fans on Bandcamp, an ambient electronic musical oddysey based around the different characters from The Devils, featuring a short movement for each member of the elite squad, that will hopefully reflect their quirks and eccentricities.
Cheers and see you in Brum!
Max
Just give it to someone else, I’m not even the most deserving person called Dan to have commented so far.
If I don’t win I will hex you, I will hex Gollancz, I will hex Tor and probably Amazon as well just for laughs.
As a devil myself I need to insure the authenticity of the characters you portray in this new series are truly worthy of being a rightly referred to as devils and are not merely just evil people doing good deeds.
The greatest trick I ever pulled was convincing the world I didn’t exist, which I regret now, because i do exist, and I want the book.
Give it to me or the biscuit barrel gets it.
We met in Cardiff years ago and you were amazed when I said Brandon Sanderson recommended I read your books.
The Devils beats Wind and Truth.
I play monster all the time with my daughter so to further cement my monster status this is a very required cardboard box (and the things inside).
Because if I don’t win this book I’ll just have to go all ‘Sand Dan Glokta’ on everyone who crosses my paths for the foreseeable future
For verily the Lord Abercrombie came to me in a vision proclaiming, “THE PRIZE SHALL BE THINE THOU RECALCITRANT SINNER, THINE I SAY!”
I don’t know who you are, what you do, or why I am even here, the Google popped up and the cover looked pretty cool.
Am dyslexic, I hated reading since I was kid. I could only read books that were adapted to help me imagine that world, characters, voices…
But you and you alone have been the only author I have had joy reading. You have made reading fun for me. I would love to win that collection, am a massive fan (still need to finish Madness trilogy). Thank you for your work.
I deserve this because I am like one of your characters, I am morally dubious, largely unlikable, obsessed with revenge, and yet somehow— against all odds — you’re still rooting for me.
I wants it. And I feels it would be unfair of you to deny it to me.
I was never much of a reader because it takes so long to read a book, never mind a series!
I had a full time job, in nursing, a great social life and I was content . Unfortunately, 5 years ago, at 48 I became disabled and housebound. I started watching every tv series possible and tried a few new craft hobbies but I never really got distracted from my situation.
I decided to watch a few YouTube videos and came across the book community. Your name was everywhere and I was intrigued. I hadn’t even heard of ‘grim dark’ fantasy.
Your books have allowed me to escape into a different world all whilst sitting on my sofa or bed.
Even if I don’t win this amazing prize, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, you have no idea the gift that you give people every time they pick up one of your books.
After 4 years of blood, sweat and tears, and not a small amount of cash, my novel is out tomorrow – and I need the publicity, god damn it!
My brother have agreed to swap one book with each other that the other one MUST read. I want to give him one of your books since he haven´t read any Abercrombie before (yes he´s >18 as well). If that edition doesn´t win him over to the Abercrombie-verse, then what will?
He´ll get the pleasure to discover your books.
I´ll “win” the swap and be a most graceious brother (and you will get the sales from him, no doubt, bying the rest of your books). Sounds like a win/win/win to my ears!
For fuck’s sake Joe, I’ve already bought 4 copies of The Devils and I’m seeing you on tour (and potentially heckling you depending on how this contest goes), the least you could do is give me a free candle.
For the Devils giveth not me a shrubbery.
My name is Troy Evans, famed reader of books, and I am here for unparalleled bounty.
I don’t deserve it, but people don’t get what they deserve.
Dearest Joseph,
I, your most appreciative, most comely, most wretched, most faithful, most zealous, most radical, most righteous, most terrible, most conniving, most evocative, most steadfast, most generous, most odious, most keen, most oblivious, most caring, most careless, most obedient, most defiant, most spiteful, most cowardly, most fearless, most fearful, most honorable, most disgraceful, most long-winded, most humble servant do beseech thee oh great paragon of human creativity, such as the world has not yet seen nor seen since, do submit myself for your most generous appraisal as your self appointed “Most Deserving Fan” and do so with the poise and grace of one befitting my station for you would not find this level of dedication just anywhere as this level of hubris can only be attained through a true enlightenment of one so thoroughly engrossed in your words, oh great author who writes of the suns ascent and the moons downfall, the soldiers rise and the generals fall, the beginning and the end forever, Amen.
Audaciously, yours.. Jared Warden
By the dead, Lord Grimdark. If I win I will sell my soul to you and praise your unparalleled talent wherever I roam. If I do not….body found by the docks.
It would be wrong to say I would be worthy of this unparalleled bounty, that would be like praying for myself. However, my Daughter Zoe really is worthy of the unparalleled bounty
I have no heirloom watch to pass to my son but this seems like a worthy alternative, which I am sure will be full of wise words and arm him for the riggers of the world before him.
Well I believe that I am the most deserving of this wonderful prize as I have been waxing lyrical about your prowess on the Realms Unknown podcast.
Hosted by Alice Fraser and produced by The Bugle, they have a “Convince Me to Read This Book” section. So naturally, I chose to schill for my favourite Lord of Grim Dark.
Here follows the transcript of the section:
“ Our voice note from this week has been sent in by Sandy.
Listener’s suggestion, convince me to read a book, Sandy.
I really want to convince you to read something, anything by Joe Abercrombie. He is probably my favourite author and he has something that I think a lot of other fancy authors lack, which is wit and humour and a sense of the absurd. The characters he writes are absolutely rooted in recognizable archetypes and nothing is black and white. Everything is a dirty shade of grey. He has got these tightly knit but razor-sharp plots that carry you through in one sitting 500 pages, no bother at all. He’s been working in this genre for years.
“He probably reached the peak with Best Served Cold, which is kind of set in the world that he established in the First Law trilogy, which is this kind of recognizable world, but has a lot of the tropes that you recognize from other fancy fiction and kind of pokes them gently with a stick to see what happens. There’s this undercurrent of some sort of magical realism happening in the background, but it is really very much about the characters and about the plot.
He writes female characters brilliantly, I think, and I would heartily recommend and love it if you guys gave any Joe Abercrombie a shot, but particularly Best Served Cold. Thanks guys. Keep up the good work.
Thank you, Sandy. You are absolutely correct.”
From Realms Unknown: Buffy’s Return, Grimdark Fiction & Redhead Tropes, 12 Feb 2025
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/realms-unknown/id1791079569?i=1000691291132&r=1620
Give it to the next one, they spent longer trying to think up something clever than I ever could.
Hello Joe.
Could I have the prize please?
When I pitch your books to friends, which is pretty much whenever I end up talking about books, one point I usually raise is how fantastically blunt your erotic writing is, and then each time I read Best Served Cold I get to that Monza and Shivers bit, and think, “Hold on a moment, this is getting a little too racy” the payoff for that discomfort was… golden
Say what you want about detention deputies, but when I finally ran out of luck one of them introduced me to Joe Abercrombie – one of the few bad habits I’ve kept since getting bailed out.
Not only did my boyfriend sell a boxed set of first edition LOTR on a car boot for the price of two double quarter pounder cheeseburger meals sixteen years ago (see above), he also regrets selling a rare copy of The Blade Itself graphic novel last year, and although it paid towards his divorce, he’s a well-intentioned moron – I’m not, and so while I’ve never read a single one of your books, I’d love to win this so he could look at it from time to time.
Bayaz shook his head in utter dismay.
“You stand before me begging my favour and yet I notice you need to use AI to come up with a witty remark. At least have the common decency to remove the ChatGPT hyphen… This -“, he held up two fingers slightly apart “is fine. But this —” he sighed, arms flung wide apart indicating the unruly length of an AI generated dash, “is the mark of the imbecile. You must try better my brother, you must try better.”
My local Waterstones has a lot of stairs. I hate stairs
I may not be worthy, but my husband certainly is -hardworking, endlessly supportive, and above all, a huge fan of yours. Winning this would be the ultimate gift for our first wedding anniversary next month.
I mean, I only want it if it’s signed by Brandon Sanderson
“Say one thing about Todd Ten Fingers – he’s a kiss ass arsehole”
I’m in the US and know I can’t participate but if there’s a chance I get a shout out or honorable mention I’ll take it.
It’s not for me. It’s for Curly. Curly will be one year old this bank holiday (I had a very literal personal ‘May Day’ last year). Curly is full of shit and a bit of a pain. I owe my life to Curly (even though Curly has thoroughly wrecked my figure).
Curly is my stoma.
Do it for Curly.
My Instagram Wizard Meme Account @the_wizard_poster features a character named Baldaz whose name may or may not be an encoded reference to a certain First Member of a certain Magi-cal Order (I live in Ireland so unfortunately I’m not eligible for this prize, but I wanted you to know this anyway)
For sale: Votive candle. Never burned.
I deserve it as I will be late to my brothers stag do because I am attending your event in Nottingham. You can pass me the prize in person (I will be the sexy cowboy at the back)
I deserve to win for devils dwell in hell, a notoriously hot place, and I’m currently sweating like a camel’s ballbag.
Last year was gash, this year has so far been expensive. Gimme a break. Gimme a book.
I win this or, well, let’s just say you don’t want the next thing they write about Lord Grimdark to be “Body found floating by the docks…” do you?
I really love cardboard, especially limited edition cardboard!
I saw the ARC boxes of this start arriving with people in January… and that pin, that bloody pin, it called to me so much that I started a bookstagram account despite not really liking social media, have gained over 1250 followers in 3 months… 88 posts… nearly 60k views in the last month… and emailed the team at Gollancz but with zero luck, I need this toil to have been worth it .
Many that live deserve limited edition books. And some that do deserve have none. Can you give it to them, Frojoe? Do not be too eager to deal out books with your judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. Follow your nose and give it to me!
These arms are ready to haul in the riches.
Life is a burden only made more manageable with imaginary worlds and cookies
I’ll save you paying postage (you cheap bastard) by letting you hand it to me in person on the 8th.
I am the most deserving recipient of the giveaway prize because I singlehandedly turned an entire prison population into Joe Abercrombie super fans!!!
Joe Abercrombie,
You owe me. After the torments you’ve penned – the stairs, the teeth, the endless suffering – the least you could do is send a book or two. Consider it reparations for my ruined knees. A signed copy would be polite. Refuse, and I’ll have Frost pay you a visit.
-Sand Dan Glokta
*(Still missing my teeth, by the way.)*
i have no reasoning, narrative or accomplishments that are remotely worth reading, but i like free stuff and i’m not above grovelling for it
Imagine the good I could do with this prize? Who says I want to do good?
I have slapping fruits.
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The skull has deemed me to be the most worthy 🙂
A tall, handsome man stood in the mouth of the alley, read this comment and chosen it as the best one.
As a Frenchman, I feel obligated to comment (despite my inegibility) in the vain hope of stealing the spotlight from an Englishman even for a second or two. It is what it is.
“You can never have too many books……………. Unless you are drowning!
Like Logen Ninefingers facing down a Shanka, my appreciation for this “Devils” collection is as fierce and unwavering as a Northman’s loyalty, promising it will be cherished with a depth that even Bayaz would grudgingly respect.
My dad, an English teacher for 45 years, once said you were better than George RR Martin; he passed on last year but ‘you carry on, and you hope for better’
Sweat was already beading his bald scalp again, running down his face in fat drops, his fists were clenched tight and trembling with effort, book, must have the book, can never have too much cardboard …
You have to be realist……nope.
Say one thing….. nope.
By the dea…..nope.
Bugger it….I’m unoriginal, unimaginative and I deserve this because I can’t think of anything witty to say.
Because unlike the rest of these bright-eyed idiots, I’ve limped, winced, and grimaced my way through every cursed word, teeth clenched against the agony, past the swollen corpses bobbing in the docks—and still I submit myself for judgement, which surely makes me the most deserving… or at least the most tragically well-suited.
I’ve got 2 packets of original 70’s spangles, a rather crumpled copy of readers wives and a half bottle of matey bubble bath, fair trade? I think so.
I’ve been reading your books since I got The First Law trilogy for my 30th birthday in 2014, and been recommending them regularly to everyone (especially those who are still waiting for The Winds Of Winter, thus steering the readers of GoT your way), meaning I deserve this a looot more than anyone else (if they’re not doing the same thing already).
I’m from Slovenia, but this seemed like a good opportunity to let you know of my good deeds.
I love your books and good luck Brits. <3
Three guys walk into a bar. Figure the third one woulda ducked.
From the USA. Love all your work.
It’s always better to have something and not need it, than need something (potentially more *want* than *need* in this case, fair enough) and not have it. Or have to pay a fair bit for it.
As I’m and American and not eligible to win I would like to congratulate who ever is the winner. I’ve read every book Mr. Ambercromie wrote (so far) and I’m sure this book will be great!!! So once again congratulations to the winner.
So here’s the thing, I am not a resident of the UK, but I DO want to win that book, so I guess what’s gonna happen next is… …that I won’t be at all considered, since I, indeed, do not meet the pre-specified requirements for the contest.
Better for me to have it and not deserve it, than deserve it and not have it.
I would prefer not to.
Even if I’m from Quebec, Canada here is what I have to say to you :
“Because I’ve read The First Law so many times my conscience now speaks in Glokta’s voice, my ambition in Bayaz’s, and my regrets in Logen Ninefingers’ — and still, I’d read it all again just to suffer… some more….
I am convincing (forcing) everyone I know to buy your books, therefore I’m making you mad money.
(If I don’t win I’ll ask you why on the 9th.)
Me, please! I’m UK resident, I’m old and I’ve read your books! Good luck everyone
I deserve this cardboard box of literary carnage because, unlike your other readers who merely fund your sword-shaped swimming pool dreams, I’ve been meticulously collecting the tears shed over beloved character deaths to fill said pool—one drop of sweet emotional trauma at a time.
Why, you ask? Due to the duties as a newly minted dad I cannot travel the unfathomable distance between Manchester and the nearest signing event!
Hi Joe,
I first came across your books in 2018 and absolutely flew through all the published ones, and have been singing your praises to my (non-plussed unfortunately) wife and to a good friend of mine who has also become a huge fan and is waiting impatiently for your next book too.
I was lucky enough to attend your reading of A Little Hatred in Waterstones Birmingham during your tour , and was sat right at the front, which unfortunately left me at the back of a queue for the signing and was unable to get a signature as I had to catch my last train. Since then, due to COVID and me having a baby, I’ve been unable to attend another signing,.but I hope you’re still writing long enough for me to attend another one one day.
And the final reason I think you should pick me is is that I think had to scroll through all the comments to be able to post a comment, and it would have been useful if the Post Comment box was at the top of the page. May I trade that feedback for a copy?
All the best
Peter
I got you to waste time reading this comment because I’m from the US and cannot win the giveaway. Fuck you, and have a wonderful day.
Say one thing for me, I deserve this fucking prize Joe
Is that everyone? – silence – victory then, Dow stooped and prised the book from the last of the corpses, now just learn to read….
Oh, the things I could do with a votive candle, a skull pin and a cardboard box.
I am a poor little old lady and my only pleasure is you, Joe.
The blood of my brothers softens the earth beneath my boots, the sodden earth clutching at my every step, but I stand victorious, ready to claim my prize, for have I not earned it in blood and tears?
I may not be the most deserving, you have a mighty task weighing up who is.
But you are the reason I started reading outside of school. You’re the inspiration I needed to write my own book. And maybe, just maybe… one day, I’ll be doing exactly what you’re doing right now.
Thank you!
Alexis
“I fear that the effort I put into begging you for this will amount to nothing my dear Joe. But better to do it than to live with the fear of it.” Slowly opens mouth and gets down on one knee… “please” he says meekly
Less so me, but my husband who has spent no less than a year trying to convince me to read The Blade Itself because he loved it and knew I would love it too. He was right, obviously, and it would be nice to give back to him for introducing me to so many great books.
Joe,
I can barely finish a single chapter a year these days. Your writing output is a grating envy of mine.
Secondly, I’m a rather magnificent amateur swimmer. I’ve developed a new and unparalleled technique I’ve dubbed “The Perturbed Otter.” I’m still eagerly awaiting the Patent Offices response to my videos.
The Olympic and World Swimming Bodies have cut off all correspondence. I can only assume they’re threatened by my revolutionary splishy splashies, and outrageous sexual energy.
If you see fit to award me your goodies, I’ll send you a video of me demonstrating my aquatic athleticism in my bathtub. (It’s much tricker to capture in the local river, and keeps upsetting the ducks.)
Cheers, prick.
George R.R Martin
……..How’s your leg?
My son has leukodystrophy, and I’d like some thing to read in the hospital to keep the devil at bay.
I know I’m exempt living in Tasmania, australia, but the devil was never known for following the rules.
It’s not for me, it’s for my cat who would really love a limited edition carboard box to snuggle in.
My name is Sally. I am [redacted] old. I have no eyes and blood all over my face. If you don’t give me this prize, I will come to your house at midnight and I’ll hide under your bed. When you’re asleep, I’ll carve the bloody cross in you and you will die.
Send me the proof, or face the consequences.
You unleashed The Devils on the world; unless I win may one sit beside you, endlessly debating the placement of commas!
In a world where devils walk and heroes limp, only a signed proof can save my soul. Joe, grant me this relic before I descend into madness—or worse, reread my own writings.
If you send me the book I’ll make sure you receive so many royalties through recommendations that your quim will quiver until it squelches.
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.
This prize could be my fire, and i would embrace the flames.
if i get this, i’ll finally get around to buying copies of all you other books instead of just borrowing them from the library. And if that’s not good enough by itself, i will also match any other bribe anyone else offers.
I’ll give you one (1) packet of Hobnobs if I win
I have read like the Bloody-Nine lives—brutal, bruised, and barely believable—and if I don’t win, I might just go back to the old ways.
Hi Joe,
I’m outside the UK so I don’t qualify. I’d just like to say – thanks for running this blog still. I still remember the good old days of Whisky Deathmatch.
Looking forward to the new book
Because I squealed when I saw your tour, and I never squeal, and now I’m going all the way to Newcastle to see you.
God did not see fit to grant me looks or brains but the Devils could see fit to grant me some fucking joy.
I was diagnosed with testicular cancer on 11th December. I had the operation on NYE and have since been given the all the clear, however, I was unable to book a ticket in time for your Cardiff signing. As such, in lieu of getting my copy of the Devils signed with the epigraph “It’s better to go to the GP and get your testicle checked out than live with the fear of doing it”, this would make an excellent consolation prize 🙂
Because I have already lit a votive candle in your honor, whispered my plea to it, and now await your judgement with the feverish desperation of a soul on the brink.
Because I have been described as handsome, cheeky and bloody but always a devil.
My soul is the same colour and texture as that carpet. Exactly the same.
The Devils is not late, nor is it early, it has arrived precisely when Joe meant it to (at my house).
All of my current cardboard is standard addition. Yearneth do I for some exclusive, limited edition cardboard. Daddy, daddy look at my cardboard!
I’m from Finland so I guess I’m happy even if I’m not allowed to participate in this, fuck.
My Dad’s a life long fan of Sheffield Wednesday F.C., as well as Lord Grimdark – he’s going through hell this season, and could use the aid of some Devils…
Even the lord knows the devil is wicked.
Sand Dan Glokta ,makes blood rush to my penis.
Body found floating by the docks.
I believe I deserve, nay am destined for this special edition because you wouldn’t let the LONG and ARDUOUS ritual sacrifice I performed to acquire this book be for nothing would you?…right?
I love your books and I want to scare my kid with the cover art.
I have given pleasure to the world because i have such a beautiful ass
Because I’ve built my whole fragile sense of self around this one fleeting chance, and if I don’t win, I’ll have to face the yawning abyss of my own mediocrity—again—and I’m just not emotionally prepared for that today.
Because after being shoved to the back of every damn line, I’ve had enough, and if I don’t get this prize, I’ll burn the whole damn thing down with all of you still in it—and I’ll enjoy every second of the blaze.
My brother told me I wouldn’t win, you have to be realistic after all but then he’s always been a cunt so I probably deserve a prize.
I’m not eligible so I just wanted to tell you good luck. We’re all counting you.
This prize will act as compensation because when I met you at a book signing I foolishly remarked holding A Little Hatred in the queue for so long hurt my arm and you proceeded to take the piss.
A lot of comments here which means a lot of choices. Sometimes it doesn’t matter too much what choice you make, as long as you make it quick and stick to it.
I have three kids Joe. The middle one is a toddler and that’s the true definition of the Age of Madness.
I solemnly swear to treat this book as a family cherished heirloom and to pass it down to future generations.
Or you can just use a random generator – but where is the fun in that?
When you’re in hell only a devil can point the way out.
I know where you live.
Please sir (asking for a friend).
Ooh, a limited edition candle in an exclusive cardboard box, yes please!
Please?
Trinkets, tallow, and tomes be damned—it’s that bloody box I must have to unleash my plans.
The memory of me attempting to win this will hang about me like an old fart.
Across the sea, in country of the Rising Sun, burned by hell of rising shipment prices, I bent my knee to Lord Grimdark, raise my keyboard in the air, screaming: I de-serve you!
Because you owe me Therapie Money for what you did to my boy Orso Junior.
I should be gifted this set because you won’t have to then wonder if someone was more deserving, I can assure you that you will in fact have made an error in judgment.
Trinkets, tallow, and tomes be damned—it’s that bloody box I must have to unleash my plans!
April 2012: Joe Abercrombie pledges to always break Shahani’s heart, and does so, repeatedly, for the next decade; May 2025: after a period of introspection and personal growth, Abercrombie sees the light and makes her year instead.
I am turning into a cripple, my muscles no longer work, my bones crunch when I move, my back is a fury of pain and I need a box to sit on.
My muscles are weakening every day, my bones crunch when I move and my back is a fury of pain. I need this box to sit on and rest my crippled body.
My name is Markomo Hale, famed soilder of fortune and I am here for the Devils.
Because I already sold my soul, dignity, and three toes for a dog-eared paperback—seems only fair I get a skull pin and a candle this time.
I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, I won’t be laid a-hand on, I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them, but by Crom, I’d give it all up plus my last bottle of Lentrian Red for a crack at your latest yarn Josey boy.
I’m not sure if I deserve it, but was so relieved when Steven Pacey finally changed the way he pronounced “grimace”, they were still a joy though, thank you.
Unless I win this bounteous prize, I shall become thy literary nemesis and dominate all social media with the moniker Lord Grimdarker, and I will perforce sell one more book than the Devils – thus depriving it of the number one spot on the bestseller list.
I am summoning forth my first devil (my fiancee is expecting), therefore I will need a new book to occupy my limited down time.
My wife and children think I’m a loser, so winning a book about werewolves & vampires will really show them who’s the man.
There once was a grizzled berserker called Logan,
who had similar strength to Hulk Hogan,
with 9 fingers in Joe’s eyes,
insisted I win the prize,
of the best book release since Clavell’s Shogun.
I would like to see my wife’s reaction to seeing poster above our bed.
Wey because I’ve recommended you and your books to ALL of my friends… I have less of these than Logen has fingers, but that’s not the point.
“What do you know, when Shoglig said the book would be mine they weren’t talking shit!”
Saves me buying it, dunnit?
I deserve it, simply, because I am superior.
Well, I could go into how much I love the world that you have built and the fact that I talk about the first trilogy enough to drive my other (I mean better) half to madness, or I could brag about the fact that I have the Master Maker’s Sword tattooed into my supple flesh and therefore, am more than deserving of this mighty prize, but instead I shall simply say this:
Please?
Feels fitting… Why don’t skeletons ever start a band?…………..Because they don’t have the guts.
The Heroes is the only book I have read twice in my 52 years of existence.
Aiming to impress my
son with this prize, please help!
If that bundle doesn’t reach my hands Joe….. body found floating in the docks
I plan to sell it on ebay for enormous profit – enormous profit I say…
Granted… delicious bait, but cardboard (limited edition no less) was the hook.
My balls are sticking together in this fucking heat, what do you want me to do? Fart the major scale for a glimpse of your book? Can’t expect miracles Joe, one has to be realistic about these things.
Pick me, lest the final promise ne’er be written and tyranny shall reach forth it’s hand to strangle us each in turn.
Or something like that.
The naked man need not fear the pickpocket.
Imagine the joy on my wife’s face when I get more junk in the post, the contempt in her eyes as i offer her a cheap candle as a peace offering.
You may by now have heard the tragic tale of my friend Ser Sheridan Halfwit, but what he couldn’t tell you in one sentence is that he is currently recovering from a hernia operation, having been skewered three times in the gut and inflated like a bastard balloon – they didn’t even fade his pubes in for the surgery shave.
With a long list of poor luck and poorer decisions, I’d title my autobiography ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ (copyright be damned) – I could do with a win.
Because I LOVE cardboard boxes…..
O HELL, I live in the Netherlands, which you won’t even visit during your tour, AND you hung (no spoilers gere)….. Well you know who you hung, needless to say I din’t like that.
Because I’ve read my wife all of your books, and she’ll tolerate another if it comes with a candle.
I don’t think I deserve to win, so I should win to boost my self esteem.
Do I deserve it? Of course not. But think of the people im ahead of on the library reservation waitlist. Don’t they deserve to get their book slightly earlier than they otherwise would? I’m entering this for THEM.
It would be utterly impossible to define why I alone would be “more deserving of this prize than everyone else” in one sentence!
It would be utterly impossible to define why I alone would be “more deserving of this prize than everyone else” in one sentence! 😉
My husband said if I win this, he’ll call me the Bloody-Nine for the rest of the year. I’m not sure if that’s a threat or a compliment, but I’ll take it.
I am more deserving as I am very tall so there is more of me to be deserving.
I’ll wait for the sequel – The Devils: Were-Prada – in which one the characters discovers they are the snazziest Wolf in town.
Because your last book made me miss my father’s dying words, but I don’t regret using it to smother the bastard.
I’ve spent more time contemplating the ethics of Sand dan Glokta than I have my own, and at this point, I deserve a prize or a prison sentence.
Because I submitted it at the very last minute to ensure it’s the final comment you read – guaranteeing you’ll remember it.
My soul’s grim enough to make Glokta wince, the only one wretchedly worthy of your book’s carnage, with my bookshelf screaming for The Devils like a Shanka howling for Styria’s last laugh.
I’ve spent years sharpening my wit to match your prose, so reward my suffering with a book before I turn as bitter as Bayaz.
P.s I live in sweden!
I deserve it because, well, I’m called Steve, I’m playing the percentages and there has to be at least one Steve in all scenarios, it’s the law.
And the competition is now CLOSED. Wow, that is a lot of applications, some of them great, many quite poor. I am moved by your level of commitment, and will select a winner to be announced on Bank Holiday Monday…
It is with a heavy heart I write, for none other but this humble eremite can bear the burden of safeguarding this hallowed text and its paper-based accessories.
Don’t you know who I am? Of course I deserve it!
But, on a serious note, good luck to all
totally knew it was only UK. still, i serve and obey from the Japans island shores.
As an unfortunate subject of the American tyrant (though I consider myself a Californian first), reading your new book will be the balm that makes this real-life insanity bearable. I know your publisher’s blessings are for the UK alone, and the contest is over, but I wanted you to know that I plan on reading this series until they are just as worn and grimy as my beloved First Law set, which I have already been forced to rebind in hardcover to withstand my unrelenting assault upon them.
Eagles may soar but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Because once I hang this prize in my lair, the final seal will break, my ascension shall begin, and the world will remember the day you chose its new overlord.
I deserve this prize because I haven’t read The Devils—but I’m ready to sell my soul, seize its chaos, and carry its fire like it was mine all along.