Yes, bound proofs (or Advance Reader Copies if you prefer) of Best Served Cold are in and they look FINE. My wife is reading it NOW and she says it’s GREAT. It is “violent, fast-paced and bloody,” it is “a superb edge-of-your seat read from a critically acclaimed author,” and it is “perfect for fans of George RR Martin and David Gemmell,” and these things are FACTS that you can COUNT ON because my PUBLISHER says so on the BACK OF THE BOOK.
I regret that the goodly folk of the sf&f blogosphere may have to wait a few weeks longer to receive their review copies, as Arch Hype-Sorceror Simon of Spanton wishes to delay their release, that the INEVITABLE TSUNAMI of positive interweb hype-buzz shall combine with the swell of print attention and OVERWHELM THE MARKETPLACE closer to the actual release of the book, rather than going off in a premature hype-ejaculation that merely disappoints everyone involved and is nothing more than another guilty memory when the book appears in shops six months later…
What could possibly be sweeter, therefore, than that YOU, yes YOU, the HUMBLE READER, should be able to steal a march on JOHNNY CRITIC by being welcomed into the BLESSED CIRCLE and reading a proof of BEST SERVED COLD even before it goes to the reviewers and full MONTHS before it becomes available to the jealous fools that constitute your FRIENDS, FAMILY, and the REST OF THE NORMAL POPULATION? Is such a thing possible? Can it be? Believe me, my friends, it CAN.
But what Herculean ordeal must you undertake to harvest this scintillating bounty? Traverse the length of the world to fling a ring of power into a volcano? Defend an undermanned and demolarised fortress against a numberless all-conquering army of savages? Provide clean water to every member of an irradiated post-nuclear wasteland? NO! To win this mind-blowing, earth-shaking, bowel-loosening contest you neeed not even LEAVE your COMPUTER. You only have to email me at:
comp[at]joeabercrombie[dot]com (obviously removing the anti-spam bracketed bits and replacing them with the relevent symbols)
Including a completion of this sentence:
“I MUST read Best Served Cold before everyone else because…”
On the last day of February I will let my old-skool percentile dice – which, in their time, have made so many successful to-hit rolls and caused one much-loved character to memorably fumble a rope and fall to his death – pick one winner with the help of the gods of randomness. On the 16th of March, in order to commemorate the 349th anniversary of the disbanding of the British Long Parliament and, of course, the death of the Emperor Nero, my dice shall select another winner, aided by the hand of fate. Finally, on April Fool’s Day 2009, I shall select the completion of the sentence “I MUST read Best Served Cold before everyone else because…” which delights/scares/excites/praises/amuses or otherwise causes me to emote the most. There may even be further winners depending on whether I am in the giving vein that day and availability of proofs at that time, though believe me, those bad-boys are in DEMAND.
As if that weren’t enough to bring you out in HIVES of anticipation, all such proofs will be SIGNED, DATED, and INSCRIBED with an inscription of your own personal choice by MINE OWN DREAD HAND, then delivered to your FRONT DOOR by Her Majesty’s or other relevant postal service. Only one question remains to be answered…
HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO READ THIS?
Or alternatively immediately put it on e-bay?
I await your responses…
A COUPLE OF CONDITIONS:
1. This contest is now open to ANYONE RESIDENT ON PLANET EARTH. You lucky humans.
2. I reserve the right to disqualify anyone at any time, just because I’m a small, small man and it makes me feel good.
3. Only one entry per person, you cheeky so-and-sos. Anyone found to be violating this rule will be visited by my Uruk-Hai hit squad.